Now That I Know…

Who would have thought Love could show up the way He did. Unexpected, unplanned, and such a big surprise. Every tiny thing was leading up to that final moment of realization. This is what I was missing; He was what I was missing, He was always there. All the times He had seen me at my worse and now seeing who I am becoming. Interesting… How did I not notice? I looked at everyone and everything past Him to get that one bit of love. All along He was the only one there. Now all I could think about is You. How can I love you, please you, have you all the time? I don’t want to go days without speaking to You; I don’t want to be without You anymore. Now that I know.

Jesus, the lover of my soul.

It Ain’t Easy…

It’s not easy being a “Christian.” The struggle is real especially when you no longer want to be the old you; the old me. I used to pretty much fall for anyone with a cute face and some fun. However, now I don’t even think about feeling any type of way unless, #1 He loves God as much as I love God and #2 What are his values, vision, and purpose in life? I still look at the cute faces, but I definitely guard my heart harder now. They’re just pretty faces now.

So when I hear, “Oh he goes to church!”, now I’m like, “Wait, who, what, where? Is he the one?”

It’s a little ridiculous, but natural women tendencies, or my tendencies. It’s more than just going to church, but is this person’s actions showing and sharing the love of Christ? Am I doing the same?

It was “easy” to find someone before, but definitely not worth all the sin, pain, and heartbreak. Honestly, I don’t know how my husband will look like, but I know deep down in my Spirit that I will be amazed and laughing so hard at God and telling him Thank You!

Working and Waiting…

I’m drawing a blank, just like my love life. Haha, I’m just kidding, not really. It’s not easy to date these days. I think once upon a time people used to go out to dinners and movies, but now it seems that everyone has relationships with their phone. I can text and have phones calls forever with a dude, but never get asked to go out on a date. What is up with that? Can I get a little bit of initiation? Maybe sprinkle it with some consistency. That would be nice. Why did you ask me for my number? Can you do something with that number, please? I’m not growing impatient at all, I trust God, and I believe that He is doing work on my man. My man is in the preparation season, just as I am. 2019 is my year of consistency and growth to becoming a woman of strength in all aspects of my life. The time will come when God decides for him to show up.

I started thinking, what if I’m not called to marriage or kids? Like really, what if? Would I be ok, would I be ok with being the cool rich aunty? And I said… yes.. as long as I got God and He got me, I would be cool.

BUT.. I will not listen to the enemy! The enemy wants me to be thinking I’m not called to marriage or children. That is a LIE!! As long as I put God first above everything else, then He will give me everything I need!

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” -Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Passionate One…

He is passionate and dedicated to something. He has a vision and drives to succeed. And with all of that, you know you will always come second to it. There is nothing more attractive than a man who has the ambition to be more, to be better, to have heart, and a commitment to his dream. Even more attractive when he is taking action, and it’s not just all talk. The question is, would I be able to handle the absolute truth that most or all of his free time would be spent on working on his dream? A woman should know this before starting a relationship with someone like this. He would need an encourager, an uplifter, a dreamer, a motivator, supporter, and a person to tell him the truth even if it hurts. I would imagine that he would want someone to believe in him and share the same passion for her own life. If I had my dreams and goals to accomplish, why couldn’t it work? Can two people fall in love chasing after their complete separate dreams? Would we have the same vision for our future once we succeed to the top?

What I want vs. What I need…

Isn’t it funny that you can be so attracted to the wrong person and be not attracted to the right person? I am probably the most terrible person when it comes to things like this; always liking the wrong people for me. I don’t even understand it myself, and I’m trying to figure it out. You have one person who meets your non-negotiables list and one person who barely meets it, but you like the one who barely meets the list more. Why? Is there something that I’m avoiding? Am I self-sabotaging my own future relationships?

6’5″

I went on a first date with someone I met on a dating app about two weeks ago. We texted each other for a week before we decided to meet up. I was super excited about this one. I couldn’t help but smile when I talked about 6’5″ to my friends. We had a lot of things in common, as far as being creative. I was starting to like him, and he made me laugh. I thought we were hitting it off. I honestly don’t know what happened, he never said anything, even though they tell you “I’ll be honest with you.” I wouldn’t even call it being ghosted. Don’t you hate that? I’m not sure if I need any closure, but these days you really can’t count on people being consistent or even be a man of their word. Actions speak louder than words.

Pursuing and Pursued…

In this short video, my friends, Alicia and Eric, share their perspectives on pursuing and being pursued. This couple is a great example of what it means to do it God’s way because they are now ENGAGED! Yay! I am so excited for them, such an amazing couple full of wisdom. It really put things in place for me because I started to date again and it really helped with some questions I had. I hope you enjoy the video.

Thank you again, Eric and Alicia! 💕

Uninhibited Love…

Remember when we used to love freely? Uninhibited: expressing one’s feelings or thoughts unselfconsciously and without restraint. Remember your first love? You were so in love with the person, nothing else mattered, time didn’t matter, responsibilities left for another day, emotions were up and down, but mostly high — feelings you’ve never felt before for someone. It was freeing to love, but that changes when you experience more pain, more relationships, more wasted time. We start holding back, thinking things through and start questioning the other person’s intentions. We’ve lost how to be spontaneously in love.

I want to be uninhibited in love again.

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