I asked God to keep me hidden while I take a year to heal from my past, figure out my calling, and to start living out my purpose. Well God, you definitely are doing that for me. However, today I wish I wasn’t hidden. I sat in the pews of my church wishing I was finally there. I looked at the couple sitting in front of me with their new baby boy and wished I could be there.
I asked Him in a whisper, “when God, when will it be my turn?“
I stopped idolizing marriage, started loving my single season, started healing, started figuring out Justine, beginning to get out of my comfort zone, focusing on my relationship with God, and I appreciate every bit of it, but today was different. I felt loneliness creep in while I sat by myself at church, which is often, even though I’m surrounded by so many. How could I feel lonely? I started looking around for that single guy sitting alone too. Hey look at me, I’m sitting alone also. Maybe he’s the one. God tell him I’m the one. Very silly I know, but today was just one of those days. God knows when I’ll be ready, even I know I’m not prepared just yet.
I get asked this question more often than not, and I get why they ask. I’m turning 31 soon, and I’m not married or have any kids at all. It’s not hard for me to get a date, and it probably wouldn’t be that hard to pick one and have a boyfriend. I got people sliding in my DM’s, so I know I’m not ugly. Haha! People say all types of things to me about my singleness, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard everything.
“You’re so pretty and perfect, why aren’t you off the market?”
“You must be crazy!”
“Stop being picky, you’re never going to find anyone!”
“You’re getting old.”
“Don’t you want babies?”
“He might be atheist, but he could be a good guy.”
So why am I still single? Hmm… Because I CHOOSE to be and I AM picky! What they don’t understand or see is the value and vision of what love and marriage really mean to me. My definition of love and marriage is God! He is the center of my life and He will be the center of my future marriage. I feel like there is no other way to explain it unless you understand it for yourself. I do get tired. I get tired of explaining to people why I’m still single like I have to justify it. Some just won’t understand and that is ok. I just learned to stop getting frustrated about it. I read marriage and relationship books, hear stories from married folk, and learn scriptures of what a wife and mother signify. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge around relationships, and it isn’t a walk in the park. Love and marriage is a responsibility, commitment, and lots of hard work. I’m only willing to step into a relationship that is sent by God. I’ve done relationships so wrong in the past that I’m going to wait patiently this time for the man of God, my future husband, that God blesses me with.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.
I want the full blessing from God. I don’t want to prevent His blessings upon my life because I was in a hurry to do it my way. If it’s not from God, then I don’t want it!
I am not talking about my “first time”. I am talking about my first “saved-Christian” relationship, which really means the first relationship I had after I was saved. It definitely wasn’t a Christian relationship, but just two Christians in a relationship. You get what I’m saying? I was enjoying life, seeking after God hard, I was hungry and thirsty to get to know Jesus and to build this relationship with Him. I was feeling brand new and a whole new person. It was only a little over a year that I had been in my walk with God when I had met this guy. I honestly thought I had it under control, I felt that I was not going to go back to my old ways, and I was going to do it right this time. I spoke out about my values and me waiting till marriage, but it wasn’t long till I fell short. It’s not as easy to hold those values in place when you’re new in your walk, you think God had sent him, and you aren’t in the same mindset as that person. But things happen and I’m not perfect, but I have learned so much from it. If anything it has brought me closer to God. I realized after doing the 14-day Husband Fast, that I was not in a place to be in another relationship yet and this is my season to be single. I don’t ever want to stray away from God again as I did. In this season of singleness, I’m focusing on knowing God more, knowing Justine more, finding my passion, walking in the fullness of my purpose, becoming the woman of God, and to prepare and position myself for when that time comes to meet my future husband.
My name is Justine, and I am now 30 years old. I started this blog about two years ago to write down all my dating adventures and experiences of trying to find love. I didn’t know I would find true love through Jesus Christ during this journey. It was so unexpected as they say “when you least expect it”, and THANK YOU, GOD! My life has completely changed, and it has been a sweet struggle to learn who I am in Christ and to learn how to date differently than my way, but instead God’s way. The journey has not always been easy, but I have found peace, joy, and love through Jesus. I can’t wait to share my love and life with a man of God who is after God’s own heart just as I am. Follow me as I continue to become the woman of God I was always meant to be and to eventually be found by the ONE God blesses me with. In Jesus’ name! Amen!
Day 14: Ordered Steps: Pray that you and your future husband would always be in full surrender to the Lord, allowing Him to order your steps. Pray that you wouldn’t try to jump ahead of His plans. Trust and believe God prepares you for the desires of your heart!
Scriptures: Proverbs 16:9, Isaiah 64:8, Psalm 37:23-24
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
Father God, I just want to thank you for connecting me with a group of women during this fast and for all the ladies that have shared. This fast has been very eye-opening in terms that marriage is a commitment and covenant to You and my future husband. It is a relationship between three people; You, myself and my future husband. Father God, I pray that my future husband and I will obey and surrender to You. I pray that You lead us every step of the way and that Your will, will be done in our lives and we will not jump ahead of Your plans. I fully trust and believe in you, Lord, that you will bless me with the desires of my heart! Thank you, Jesus! In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen!
Activation: Ask God what this season looks like for you. Ask Him if you are ready to date.
God is telling me that I need to be single in this season and that I am not quite ready to date. I still have a lot of healing to do from my recent relationship. I need to focus on some of my goals and just loving me. God knows that there’s so much more for me to do as a single and that I do not need to rush getting into a relationship. Even when I feel like I am getting “old”, I have so much faith that God will give me everything I want in a husband when the time is right. I don’t want to settle for anything less than what God wants for me.