Working and Waiting…

I’m drawing a blank, just like my love life. Haha, I’m just kidding, not really. It’s not easy to date these days. I think once upon a time people used to go out to dinners and movies, but now it seems that everyone has relationships with their phone. I can text and have phones calls forever with a dude, but never get asked to go out on a date. What is up with that? Can I get a little bit of initiation? Maybe sprinkle it with some consistency. That would be nice. Why did you ask me for my number? Can you do something with that number, please? I’m not growing impatient at all, I trust God, and I believe that He is doing work on my man. My man is in the preparation season, just as I am. 2019 is my year of consistency and growth to becoming a woman of strength in all aspects of my life. The time will come when God decides for him to show up.

I started thinking, what if I’m not called to marriage or kids? Like really, what if? Would I be ok, would I be ok with being the cool rich aunty? And I said… yes.. as long as I got God and He got me, I would be cool.

BUT.. I will not listen to the enemy! The enemy wants me to be thinking I’m not called to marriage or children. That is a LIE!! As long as I put God first above everything else, then He will give me everything I need!

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” -Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Passionate One…

He is passionate and dedicated to something. He has a vision and drives to succeed. And with all of that, you know you will always come second to it. There is nothing more attractive than a man who has the ambition to be more, to be better, to have heart, and a commitment to his dream. Even more attractive when he is taking action, and it’s not just all talk. The question is, would I be able to handle the absolute truth that most or all of his free time would be spent on working on his dream? A woman should know this before starting a relationship with someone like this. He would need an encourager, an uplifter, a dreamer, a motivator, supporter, and a person to tell him the truth even if it hurts. I would imagine that he would want someone to believe in him and share the same passion for her own life. If I had my dreams and goals to accomplish, why couldn’t it work? Can two people fall in love chasing after their complete separate dreams? Would we have the same vision for our future once we succeed to the top?

What I want vs. What I need…

Isn’t it funny that you can be so attracted to the wrong person and be not attracted to the right person? I am probably the most terrible person when it comes to things like this; always liking the wrong people for me. I don’t even understand it myself, and I’m trying to figure it out. You have one person who meets your non-negotiables list and one person who barely meets it, but you like the one who barely meets the list more. Why? Is there something that I’m avoiding? Am I self-sabotaging my own future relationships?

6’5″

I went on a first date with someone I met on a dating app about two weeks ago. We texted each other for a week before we decided to meet up. I was super excited about this one. I couldn’t help but smile when I talked about 6’5″ to my friends. We had a lot of things in common, as far as being creative. I was starting to like him, and he made me laugh. I thought we were hitting it off. I honestly don’t know what happened, he never said anything, even though they tell you “I’ll be honest with you.” I wouldn’t even call it being ghosted. Don’t you hate that? I’m not sure if I need any closure, but these days you really can’t count on people being consistent or even be a man of their word. Actions speak louder than words.

Pursuing and Pursued…

In this short video, my friends, Alicia and Eric, share their perspectives on pursuing and being pursued. This couple is a great example of what it means to do it God’s way because they are now ENGAGED! Yay! I am so excited for them, such an amazing couple full of wisdom. It really put things in place for me because I started to date again and it really helped with some questions I had. I hope you enjoy the video.

Thank you again, Eric and Alicia! 💕

Uninhibited Love…

Remember when we used to love freely? Uninhibited: expressing one’s feelings or thoughts unselfconsciously and without restraint. Remember your first love? You were so in love with the person, nothing else mattered, time didn’t matter, responsibilities left for another day, emotions were up and down, but mostly high — feelings you’ve never felt before for someone. It was freeing to love, but that changes when you experience more pain, more relationships, more wasted time. We start holding back, thinking things through and start questioning the other person’s intentions. We’ve lost how to be spontaneously in love.

I want to be uninhibited in love again.

Lust…

“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” – 2 Timothy 2:22 NLT

I am flesh. I am weak. I can easily fall into temptation. I can fall short today or tomorrow. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. When you’ve done relationships so wrong in the past, you want to do it right this time. That’s my story. I want to do it right this time around. I want to build a foundation with someone that’s more than just physical attraction, made up of lustful thoughts and eyes.

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” – Matthew 26:41 NIV

I used to struggle with pornography and being sexually attracted to women. It would come in waves, days and weeks at a time. Once I open those gates, it was hard to close. I thought “at least I’m doing it alone and not with someone else.” In a way, I think it might have been worse. It was a secret, to yearn for that release, that satisfaction. It was instant gratification and selfish. To act like I didn’t have an issue on the outside, but in the inside, I could only think about when can I do it again? I wanted self-control, but I didn’t know how to obtain it. Thoughts of ex-lovers coming into your mind during church, wandering to places you know it shouldn’t be. Sometimes it still happens. I had to refocus on Who Mattered. So I prayed. I prayed to be delivered from porn. I prayed for soul-ties to be broken. I prayed back the pieces of my heart I gave away. I prayed for peace from my past. It’s a daily work, and I don’t think I’ll ever really make it, but I’m going to try. God is my strength when I am weak, and all I can do is pray and focus on Him.

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT

Heavenly Father…

I thank You for this day. I praise You and worship You, Lord. I love You, Father God. You have blessed my life in more ways than one. I just lift You up, the Lord of lords and the King of kings. You amaze me, Your ways, Your love, the Lover of my Soul and my everything. I thank You for doing a work in me, in my heart, in my soul. Every day I am new, every day I have a chance to be more like Jesus. Thank You for your grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Please forgive me of my sins that I may not be aware of and bring those into the light so that I can change. You created me and knew me way before I was even formed. The plans You have on my life is all for You, to glorify You, and give You thanks! Father God, I pray and ask for strength and patience in things that I cannot control. I pray for boldness and fearlessness in all that I do. I thank You for saving me, leaving the 99 to find the one. I just give You thanks today. I love You, Father! In Jesus’ name. Amen!

Checking My Heart…

‘The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?’
-Jeremiah 17:9

Follow your heart, they said. I think not. Instead, lead your heart because the heart is deceitful. Recently I was deceived by a dream. I dreamt a relationship with someone who I had never thought about, so it got me thinking could it be a possibility? My mind opened up to thoughts that should have never been opened in the first place. I found myself wanting to text him or waiting for his. My heart was telling me to chase him, but God was telling me “No! Don’t do it! He has to pursue!” Have I learned nothing from my past? Have I learned nothing from all the books I’ve been reading and the videos I’ve been listening to?

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord .’
-Proverbs 18:22

Get that scripture in your head, Justine. HE who FINDS. He has to find ME. It’s a GOOD thing, ya’ll! In the past, I’ve always been quick to let a guy know I like him. In other words, shooting my shot was natural to me. But, I’m shooting no shots anymore!

If you want me as a wife, you better pursue me.

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑