Yesterday I started to tear up as I expressed to one of my married BFFs with a daughter and a baby boy on the way how tired I was of talking to guys and how exhausting it is to try and date. I just want to find the one. She probably has no idea what I am going through. Since my last post, a lot has changed for the better; especially spiritually. Last year in September I was saved, which means I accepted God into my heart. I grew up Catholic, but I never felt connected to the church. I was always curious of other religions or I didn’t have one at all. I started reading a lot of relationship books, and it had a lot of biblical references. I just thought to myself, “why do all these books have bible scriptures in it?” I was talking to one of my really good friends and asked her what church she went to. One Sunday morning on September 25, I decided to go to this church by myself, and I felt something that I had never felt before. I’ve gone to different churches before, but this time was simply different. I finally felt like my heart was full like I didn’t need another human or man to fulfill this void in my heart. It was finally filled by the presence of God. I cried my eyes out that morning while the Pastor seemed like he was talking to me and about me. I felt the anchor finally being lifted off my heart.
Even being saved, I didn’t fully walk the life with God until I went to a Women of Worth conference at my church. On that first weekend of May 2017 is when I decided to fully commit myself to God and the end of the month I got baptize to renew and wash away my old self. I had decided the best path to go was with Him. I wholeheartedly decided to be celibate. The only way to fully be blessed by God is to walk the life of His Word. It has definitely been a struggle because I lived a life of sin. I am not perfect, but I try my best to have the Holy Spirit live within me.
Dating now has been really different. I eliminate potential suitors right away if they don’t have the same values as me. One of the requirements is that they need to be a God-fearing man; they need to have a strong faith and relationship with God. I will first ask them their views and relationship with God before I even consider talking to them any further. It definitely helps a whole lot when considering going on a date with someone.
But I am exhausted trying to get to know all of them at the same time. Asking the same questions and answering the same questions over and over again. I don’t know whether to be proactive in dating or just wait around for the right one to come along. I am so torn. They say you have to be proactive and then at the same time I want to just have faith that God will lead him to me. All I know is that I clearly know what kind of man I am looking for and that starts with a man that believes in the same God as me.