“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” – 2 Timothy 2:22 NLT
I am flesh. I am weak. I can easily fall into temptation. I can fall short today or tomorrow. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. When you’ve done relationships so wrong in the past, you want to do it right this time. That’s my story. I want to do it right this time around. I want to build a foundation with someone that’s more than just physical attraction, made up of lustful thoughts and eyes.
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” – Matthew 26:41 NIV
I used to struggle with pornography and being sexually attracted to women. It would come in waves, days and weeks at a time. Once I open those gates, it was hard to close. I thought “at least I’m doing it alone and not with someone else.” In a way, I think it might have been worse. It was a secret, to yearn for that release, that satisfaction. It was instant gratification and selfish. To act like I didn’t have an issue on the outside, but in the inside, I could only think about when can I do it again? I wanted self-control, but I didn’t know how to obtain it. Thoughts of ex-lovers coming into your mind during church, wandering to places you know it shouldn’t be. Sometimes it still happens. I had to refocus on Who Mattered. So I prayed. I prayed to be delivered from porn. I prayed for soul-ties to be broken. I prayed back the pieces of my heart I gave away. I prayed for peace from my past. It’s a daily work, and I don’t think I’ll ever really make it, but I’m going to try. God is my strength when I am weak, and all I can do is pray and focus on Him.
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT