Why Are You Still Single?

I get asked this question more often than not, and I get why they ask. I’m turning 31 soon, and I’m not married or have any kids at all. It’s not hard for me to get a date, and it probably wouldn’t be that hard to pick one and have a boyfriend. I got people sliding in my DM’s, so I know I’m not ugly. Haha! People say all types of things to me about my singleness, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard everything.

 

“You’re so pretty and perfect, why aren’t you off the market?”
“You must be crazy!”
“Stop being picky, you’re never going to find anyone!”
“You’re getting old.”
“Don’t you want babies?”
“He might be atheist, but he could be a good guy.”

 

So why am I still single? Hmm… Because I CHOOSE to be and I AM picky! What they don’t understand or see is the value and vision of what love and marriage really mean to me. My definition of love and marriage is God! He is the center of my life and He will be the center of my future marriage. I feel like there is no other way to explain it unless you understand it for yourself. I do get tired. I get tired of explaining to people why I’m still single like I have to justify it. Some just won’t understand and that is ok. I just learned to stop getting frustrated about it. I read marriage and relationship books, hear stories from married folk, and learn scriptures of what a wife and mother signify. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge around relationships, and it isn’t a walk in the park. Love and marriage is a responsibility, commitment, and lots of hard work. I’m only willing to step into a relationship that is sent by God. I’ve done relationships so wrong in the past that I’m going to wait patiently this time for the man of God, my future husband, that God blesses me with.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22

I want the full blessing from God. I don’t want to prevent His blessings upon my life because I was in a hurry to do it my way. If it’s not from God, then I don’t want it!

My First Time…

I am not talking about my “first time”. I am talking about my first “saved-Christian” relationship, which really means the first relationship I had after I was saved. It definitely wasn’t a Christian relationship, but just two Christians in a relationship. You get what I’m saying? I was enjoying life, seeking after God hard, I was hungry and thirsty to get to know Jesus and to build this relationship with Him. I was feeling brand new and a whole new person. It was only a little over a year that I had been in my walk with God when I had met this guy. I honestly thought I had it under control, I felt that I was not going to go back to my old ways, and I was going to do it right this time. I spoke out about my values and me waiting till marriage, but it wasn’t long till I fell short. It’s not as easy to hold those values in place when you’re new in your walk, you think God had sent him, and you aren’t in the same mindset as that person. But things happen and I’m not perfect, but I have learned so much from it. If anything it has brought me closer to God. I realized after doing the 14-day Husband Fast, that I was not in a place to be in another relationship yet and this is my season to be single. I don’t ever want to stray away from God again as I did. In this season of singleness, I’m focusing on knowing God more, knowing Justine more, finding my passion, walking in the fullness of my purpose, becoming the woman of God, and to prepare and position myself for when that time comes to meet my future husband.

Who I Am Now…

Justine

My name is Justine, and I am now 30 years old. I started this blog about two years ago to write down all my dating adventures and experiences of trying to find love. I didn’t know I would find true love through Jesus Christ during this journey. It was so unexpected as they say “when you least expect it”, and THANK YOU, GOD! My life has completely changed, and it has been a sweet struggle to learn who I am in Christ and to learn how to date differently than my way, but instead God’s way. The journey has not always been easy, but I have found peace, joy, and love through Jesus. I can’t wait to share my love and life with a man of God who is after God’s own heart just as I am. Follow me as I continue to become the woman of God I was always meant to be and to eventually be found by the ONE God blesses me with. In Jesus’ name! Amen!

Husband Fast Day 14

Day 14: Ordered Steps: Pray that you and your future husband would always be in full surrender to the Lord, allowing Him to order your steps. Pray that you wouldn’t try to jump ahead of His plans. Trust and believe God prepares you for the desires of your heart!

Scriptures: Proverbs 16:9, Isaiah 64:8, Psalm 37:23-24

 

Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
Psalm 37:4

 

Father God, I just want to thank you for connecting me with a group of women during this fast and for all the ladies that have shared. This fast has been very eye-opening in terms that marriage is a commitment and covenant to You and my future husband. It is a relationship between three people; You, myself and my future husband. Father God, I pray that my future husband and I will obey and surrender to You. I pray that You lead us every step of the way and that Your will, will be done in our lives and we will not jump ahead of Your plans. I fully trust and believe in you, Lord, that you will bless me with the desires of my heart! Thank you, Jesus! In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen!

 

Activation: Ask God what this season looks like for you. Ask Him if you are ready to date.

God is telling me that I need to be single in this season and that I am not quite ready to date. I still have a lot of healing to do from my recent relationship. I need to focus on some of my goals and just loving me. God knows that there’s so much more for me to do as a single and that I do not need to rush getting into a relationship. Even when I feel like I am getting “old”, I have so much faith that God will give me everything I want in a husband when the time is right. I don’t want to settle for anything less than what God wants for me.

Husband Fast Day 13

Day 13: Self-value and worth: Pray that you’ll always see yourself through the same lens Jesus does towards you. Pray that you will agree with every truth He has spoken over you and how He’s created you to be.

Scriptures: Mark 4:20, 1 Peter 3:3-4, Genesis 1:26, Psalm 139:14

 

You are altogether beautiful, my darling,
beautiful in every way.
-Song of Solomon 4:7

 

Father God, thank you for creating me exactly the way that I am. I was made in the image and likeness of You, Father God. I pray that I will always see myself through the same lens as Jesus does. I pray that I will agree and speak the truth on myself of how You created me to be. Father, even on those days I feel worthless and ugly, please let me remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you, Jesus! In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen!

 

Activation: Choose 3 personality traits you love about yourself!

I love that I am funny, adventurous, and loving. These are strengths because people love to laugh, adventurous makes you fun, and loving makes you a good person.

Husband Fast Day 12

Day 12: Sexual Purity: Pray that God would be honored in every part of your future relationship (courtship and marriage) and that the Lord would reveal to you personally His purpose for sex. Pray that if there are any struggles now or in the future with sexism purity that Jesus would uproot them and fill you with His love and grace.

Scriptures: Galatians 5:16-17, Matthew 5:8, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

 

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. ‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4:3‬

 

Ok y’all! Let me get real here! SEX!!! Sex feels good and it can be so fun! It can be satisfying for the moment and when the flesh wants what it wants, it’s kind of hard to hold back sometimes. Honestly, this topic should be saved for a later time. So let me just pray real quick!

 

Father God, I just want to thank you for creating such a beautiful thing such as sex between a husband and wife! I thank you for being a part in my dating life so that I and whoever is the one for me will honor you through our dating/courtship. I pray that even when I do get married that my husband and I will honor You in our relationship always. Father God, I pray that my future husband and I will get revelation from You about what sex’s purpose is in a marriage. Father God, I am praying for you to uproot any thoughts of sexual sin, sexual soul-ties and struggles that I or my future husband have of lust, sex, pornography, and anything of that sinful nature. I pray that we just die to our flesh every day. I pray that we have accountability partners and we pray for those accountability partners to have a heart to listen and be there for us to give us wise counsel. I pray those friends or mentors just lead us to You and that they pray for our struggles when we find it so hard to say no to our flesh. Father God, I pray that we just surround ourselves with other believers who are wanting to stay pure and that we hold eachother accountable. Holy Spirit, fill us up with Your love and grace when we are lonely at night and that You are enough to fill us in all those areas. In Jesus’ name I pray! Amen!

 

Activation: What does your purity plan look like once you start dating? Who holds you accountable to your sexual purity? How far is “too far” when dating?

A year after I’ve been saved I got in my first Christian relationship and I really thought I had it all down, but I fell short. It was nothing like what I learned dating should be like as a born-again. I’ve learned so much from that relationship that I have a better understanding of what my purity plan will look like once I start dating again. I have accountability partners who will help me hold my sexual purity. Too far is too far when you know the Holy Spirit is telling you no or you’re even questioning if this is too far.

Husband Fast Day 11

Day 11: Communication: Pray for healthy, honest and open communication between you and your future husband. Pray that needs and frustrations would be brought to light when they are still small and never used out of spite.

Scriptures: Proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 17:27

 

I used to be the worst communicator in my past relationships. I used to avoid conflict and keep things inside and never really solving anything. I became resentful, angry, and would just run away from situations or end relationships all together because I wouldn’t speak up about my needs or frustrations. I’ve definitely learned that COMMUNICATION is vital for every healthy relationship with parents, siblings, family members, friends, mentors, coworkers and strangers. I have been putting in work to communicate better with everyone. Sometimes it is not easy for me but in the end I feel like I’ve spoken up about my feelings and made an effort to understand them too.

 

Father God, I pray that you keep working on me in my communication. I pray that my husband and I’s communication is open, healthy, honest, transparent in our marriage. I pray that we never use words to hurt each other. I pray that we are led by the Holy Spirit when it comes to communicating. I pray that whatever needs and frustrations we have with each other or in life that it would be easy to come to each other and talk about it so we can work it out. Father God, give us a heart to listen and that we will never ever go to bed angry. Father God, I am really praying for strong communication between my husband and I because I know that it’s the key to a long lasting marriage.

 

 

But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Colossians‬ ‭3:8‬

 

 

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. James‬ ‭1:19-20‬

 

 

Activation: Do something that puts yourself first today, whether it be resting at home or rearranging your day to fit in what you’d like to do.

Today I am serving at my church for Love Weekend. I usually put myself first every day since I am single and have no kids, so serving makes me feel like I’m giving back to the community and helping out where I can.

Husband Fast Day 10

Day 10: Generosity: Pray for generosity to be the norm in your future marriage. Whether it be financially, with time, resources or going the extra mile with your spouse as well as those around you. Pray that generosity would come from a heart of compassion and never self-seeking.

Scriptures: Luke 16:13, Luke 12:31-34, Proverbs 3:9

 

You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. For God loves a person who gives cheerfully. 2 Corinthians 9:7

 

 

Thank you, Father God, for already giving me a heart of generosity, but I want to be more giving. I want to be intentional with my finances, time and resources to be able to give to my future husband, children, family, and anyone who is in more need. I pray that my future husband has the same spirit of generosity and that he will give me, our children, our family, and everyone else with what he can because he has a heart of compassion. I pray that he thinks of others. I pray that we both give because we want to and our heart is to be more Christ-like. I pray that our home is going to be a house of generosity and servanthood.

 

Activation: Choose 3 physical traits you love about yourself!
The 3 physical traits that I love about myself would be my eyes, my smile, and my legs.

Husband Fast Day 9

Day 9: Spiritual Legacy: Pray for a shift in any generational curses in your family to be turned into generational blessings! Pray for the spiritual legacy you’d like to leave for the next generations to come.

Scriptures: Galatians 6:6-10, Deuteronomy 30:19-20

 

What I am saying, dear brothers and sisters, is that our physical bodies cannot inherit the Kingdom of God. These dying bodies cannot inherit what will last forever. 1 Corinthians 15:50

 

 

Thank you, Father God, for blessing me with the family I have and grew up with and even though we are far from perfect, my family is full of love. My family has taught me love, support, acceptance, and generosity. I am super grateful for growing up with my sister and all my cousins, aunties and uncles. Father God, I don’t know if we have any big generational curses, but I just want to pray that they get to know You more and seek You. I know that they know of You because we all grew up Catholic, but I want them to know Your love for them is so much greater. I pray that they live more spiritually instead of more of this world. I pray that they are just blessed in their lives and that we continue to love and support each other in our lives. I pray that they think about the value they can add to this life more than what they can get from material things. Father God, thank you for your grace and mercy upon us all and I just pray for my family that they will pass down the values and morals of what they know of You, Father God, to their own children.

 

Activation: List some generational blessings you’d like to leave for generations after you from your future marriage.
I definitely want to leave legacy blessings for my future children, like knowing God, financial blessings, heart to serve, love, generosity, and all the fruits of the Spirit.

Husband Fast Day 8

Day 8: Prepare us to receive love in a healthy way: Pray that the Lord would give us revelation and understanding of what it means to receive love in a healthy way. Pray that we would first know God’s love for us in our spirit man and then we’d be able to demonstrate that to our future husband.

Scriptures: 1 John 4:7-19, Ephesians 2:10

 

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. Ephesians 3:17-18

 

 

Oh, Father God, I know you love me and I know you love my future husband too. I know it can be sometimes tough and confusing for me to differentiate what healthy love looks like from another person. I know that I might’ve not seen healthy relationships growing up or I’ve been in really bad relationships. Father God, I’m praying for revelation, wisdom, discernment, and understanding of what true human love relationships should look like that is of You! I want a loving relationship that You would only approve as a loving Father, who only wants the best for me. I know my worth and value because of You, and I pray that my future husband sees the same. I am Your daughter, Father God, and my future husband will love and treat me with the highest standards because he has You in him! Thank you, Jesus, for helping me learn how to really love. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen!

 

Activation: What are some of your favorite restaurants you love to eat at near you? Let’s just have this as a reminder to ourselves when we start dating, and you get the infamous question… “Where do you want to eat?” LOL
I haven’t eaten meat for 7 months now, but during this fast, I’ve been craving chicken wings! I want to have a fried chicken wing day! I also love pizza and Vietnamese food! Oh and ICE CREAM!